The Death of CityTV

If there wasn’t a reason to dislike this “takeover” before, we have one now. CityTV has always been our favorite channel. Right down to their news coverage. Everything about it felt raw.

CityTV was ghetto, but it was a good kind of ghetto. Seriously, where else could you see the name of someone during an interview, with their displayed at the bottom of the screen a whole 5 seconds after they had already spoken and were no longer on your TV? Better yet, the names would only be onscreen for a total of one-and-a-half seconds! That’s a CityNews staple.

When they claimed, “CityPulse, Everywhere” you felt that shit and knew that they meant it. Nowadays, the station is merely a vehicle for Breakfast Television, CityLine and The Bachelor.

So, some months back, the almighty CTVglobemedia Inc conglomerate decides to purchase ChumCity. The geniuses @ the CRTC say, “You cannot possess two local channels in the same city.” In comes the other devil we know, Rogers Media TV, and the rest is far from fish gravy…

First, one of the few credible 24hr news sources, CP24 is shunted off to CTV. This results in a painfully painful association with the out of touch, suburban soccer mom, yuppie clog wearing, snooze fest inducing clusterfuck that is CFTO News. That programming is not only the cure for insomnia, but doubles as a leading cause for people to jump off of high perches.

Then, without the Barrie and Stouffville favorite, Breakfast Television, to prop up the morning viewership, the genius of CTV stick us with CP24 Breakfast, as if we were some geese prepping for foie gras. CP24 BREAKFAST???? Wow, how original.

This shitshow started off with Melissa Grelo and Matte ‘Shoot Me Now’ Babel as the hosts. While Melissa sure could get it from the Grandmasta, it was still uncomfortable crap to watch. I’d rather witness the dissection of a manatee then see Matte continuous make an ass out of himself with displays of immaturity and down right ignorance.

Ultimately some intelligence is shown, albeit briefly, as they ship the punk offsite to become the show’s “remote host”. Shit wasn’t remote enough for our liking. Now viewers are subjected to view this perv persistently leer female interviewees and make suggestive comments towards unsuspecting and unwanting subjects. Matte, a Cold Pimp Hand of Reality™ awaits you, my friend.

We digress… On the other side of the matrix, we have that craptastical abomination, aka MuchMusic, and what is left of CityTV. My, how the mighty have fallen. Gotta feel for Moses Znaimer.

Imagine giving birth to something that changed the way news was told and shown, in a format that has been copied from CNN to Australia. Literally. Now, imagine that same creation being treated like the hood of a Porsche, basking in the sun, while retarded trolls commence to put bologna on it. That shit’s fucked!

The CityTV that I grew up on is gone. Late Great Movies? Gone. Kung-fu flicks on Saturday afternoons? Gone. Speaker’s Corner? Gone. Baby Blue Movies? Gone. Jojo ‘Freakin’ Chinto? Gone.

Hell, they even moved out of their iconic headquarters on the corner of Queen and John so that Matte could have a place to store his kiddy porn comics.

Alas, things have can never go back to how they were. Things fall apart… We feel for you, Moses.

Who else would have employed the likes of Jojo ‘Gangsta” Chinto, Ziggy, George Stroumboulopoulos, Duke Redbird, Master T, Monika Deol, Harold Hosein, Sook-Yin Lee and Namugenyi Kiwanuka????

No matter what though, we’ll always have fond memories of Electric Circus! Whatever happened to that black dude with the cowboy hat anyways??? LOL!!!!!

We would have ranted on how Rogers finally put this sucka out of it’s misery, but we’ll leave that viewpoint up to my boy LLJJ.  Good Ridance!!!

EDIT: Just found this article written by John Doyle of the Globe & Mail. All we can say is, A-FREAKIN’-MEN!!!”

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~ by Té on January 21, 2010.

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